Heartless

Hello everything.

hahaha that's a new trend nowadays bcs of some viral vid.

ok enough.

so about the heartless thingy, i sure that who already follow my past entry will know why.

first thing first is i think i already move on with my last relationship.

to be more specific i already being like this since i got so busy and i ignore his text everyday.

i just replying him with emoji or whatever i want to be short.

since then i think i develop my heart to be heartless.

while having that kind of routine, we never once had a proper call or even a video call.

yeah i know we are shy people but we already in this for more than 4 years.

i think i already do the best to keep communicate with him.

i put aside my ego and i just call him sometimes but he never call me back like that.

yeah i expecting too much. of course.

i like surprises so he should just call me anytime he want but he never ever do that.

and also about seeing each other. we only go out once.

and that didnt even a proper date for me.

i did suggest to him that he should come to where i study so that we can go out easily rather than at my home because of i didnt want my parents know.

and if they know too they will not give me permission to go out.

whatever it is, i did suggest but he gave me so much excuse.

that what makes me more heartless.

i dont know why but i think im the wrong one here.

everytime im in a relationship it doesnt go well.

is it me who to be blame?

is it me that not put so much effort in this relationship?

is it me that have so much ego?

i tried my best to hold on but this is so much.

why should i put an effort to someone who didnt reply to me?

or i just being delusional?

i really hate fake hope and man.

yeah, i have trust issue with man.

i keep thinking "what if he treat others like this too?", "what if he just playing around?" and etc.

yes i know my mind is so full of prejudice.

it is all because their fault too.

the one who break my trust.

i became more careful since then.

ask me to date but have another girl. just trash.

did he think im so stupid to not know that he already have someone?

fuck off!

just because of you i'm so insecure.

i'm afraid to be in relationship.

maybe in future i will just go straight into marriage or maybe not.

i just dont see any future in me with someone.

from now on i think i should be careful and not to fall so hard with man.

just give the same energy as he gave only.

so that's all i will rant.

so good bye for now.