Is it really my fault?

 Assalamualaikum.

Hey guys. Long time not updating in here wkwkwk jk.

So, here we go again.

According to the title what do you guys thought about?

Is it about my study? family? or friends?

Tbh i dont know where i should start but i will write it in short. 

Then i will tell the case related to the title.

Firstly, last October im in a relationship with someone through tinder.

His name is KH (i will just put his initial so that i can remember) and his age is the same as me.

Ok enough with the info.

So as the time pass by our relationship is so toxic and i decide to breakup with him.

We end our relationship on 10 Dec i think? sorry i didnt remember because we chatting at late night so maybe on 11th? wkwkwk nvm

Actually i dont know if he or me that decided to breakup but for me i just ask him if he still want our relationship to stay.

Tbh i want to fix it or what i can say is i want him to change.

At least being sincere and honest but he kept manipulate me by saying sorry.

It happen to many times tho, but what he can say is sorry but never change.

So thats why we ended it.

I told him to stop contact/chat me since he insisted to chat me after the conversation about the relay.

Yes he really stop at that time but after a few days he kept chat me once a week.

Ok so here it begins. The keyword is he always chat me once a week and what he chat or do with me i will not tell it here.

I always warn him to stop contacting me everytime he come to me but he kept telling me that he miss me and whatsoever it is.

Then, i told him that if he already have a gf he really should stop contact me but he kept telling me that he still single.

So because of he always chat me and he even spamming me if i didnt reply him, i just do want he want.

Actually i really hate him because after he got what he want, he disappear and not even open my chat.

It happen once a week until last week which is 20 February 2024.

Suddenly, on 24 February, he posted a photo of a girl with some emoji on his instagram story.

So i conclude that he already have a gf then. Actually i already have the instinct since early Feb.

Why? How did i now? Because firstly he stop posting sad instagram stories and another one is i always look at his online status in whatsapp.

Yup it kinda crazy but not as crazy as i do with that ganu guy last time. That one is so crazy and obsessive so thats why i hide my ws apps and disable it to receive any message for a long time.

Ok back to the story. When i know he already in a new relationship, i just told myself that i should not reply him or obey him to do what he want from me.

Oh wait, i forgot to tell this. Actually i already delete his contact from my phone since 23 Jan and i restrict his ig account so that his dm is in the request section.

Then after a few days, he posted again a photo of the girl at beach on his instagram story. So it is confirm that he already have a new gf.

Actually i kinda relieved because i thought he will not contact me again after having that new relationship.

I also feel a little bit jealous at that girl bcs she must be better than me if he not contacting me again but im not that type to ruin people relationship so i try to let it go and move on.

Tbh it suits my plan because i really wanna avoid him for these 12 days because of i already started my first semester. And i hope he will slowly stop come at me.

But then suddenly he already in relationship so it will be easier for me to avoid him.

So i try to be happy and not thinking about how he already have someone new after a few days he chat me. lol

I keep updating my twitter as my own diary to let go my feeling and avoid using ig for too much.

Unfortunately, on Friday after the last class ended, I just waiting for my laptop to fully charged so i open all the sosmed in my laptop and I open my request dm on ig after a few days i didnt open it and i found that he already dmed me since Wednesday which is 28 February.

I dont know how to feel but i just feel so pity to his gf because this mf didnt respect her as a gf.

But because it just a few dm that just keep calling so i just ignore it and tweet about it on my twt.

I even tweet about how i feel and told him to go to his gf as im talking to him.

Then suddenly i also got request dm on twitter from him and ask me if i not open my ig and told me that the girl is his sister.

Little did he know that im not that stupid to trust him that much.

I already stalk his fb and also all his sibling fb. new one and old one. Because im curious of how does they look like and their name.

Because of he lie to me about that fact, i just continue my previous tweet and told him that he doesnt need to lie to me about that girl is his sister and i also told him that i restrict his account so thats why i didnt reply him.

I also told him to go to his gf instead of come to me and warn him that i would dm his gf if he still insist to chat again.

Mad? yes im so mad and upset because how can he claimed that he is single and act like it is ok to do that.

Then on 2 March, he dm me again and told me that he is single and he change his phone so that he lost all the contact.

Actually i thought he already delete or block my number before he exposing his new gf because of i always checking his online status but im wrong. But whatever it is im glad he already lost my number.

Okay, so because of he still disrespect his gf like that even after i already told him that i could dm his gf, i just unrestrict his ig so that i can reply him to make it clear.

I reply his dm told him to stop contacting me again before i really dm his gf.

But this time he not deny about having gf and also admit he is single.

He kept told me sorry and want me and whatsoever. But still i warn him again and again.

And i also end every reply with goodbyes but he still chat me.

I just cant with that behaviour because i just hate how he treat girl. His gf and myself.

So disrespecful.

Finally, i strengthened myself to dm his gf after several times of hesitation.

Actually i really not confident that account is his gf but because it the only random girl he follow (because he already remove all the other a few days ago lol) so i just try my shot.

I dm (using my stalking account) her to reply me if she is in relay with KH and if not she should just ignore my dm because it will so embarrassing if i got the wrong person. fyi this happen after 12am which already enter 3 march.

So after a few minutes, she replied my dm and told me that it is true that she is his gf and ask me who i am.

But not only that, KH also dm me on that stalking account. So i assumed that he already know my secret account to stalk him :)

FYI in that time i have discussion with my groupmate and i have to record my presentation video.

So i just reply his gf shortly so that she didnt thought that im just joking around and settled my work.

KH dm me everywhere he can and told me to stop dm his gf.

LOL suddenly admit that he is not single after i already contact his gf.

So what already begin should be done until the end and of course i ignore his dm and calls (ig).

I told his gf to becareful with him at first but she didnt understand the context so i told her that KH dmed me since wednesday.

And of course she curious why and what. so i just give her the ss prove of his dm.

i also told her that he act single with me while contacting me.

But the she suddenly ask me what he want from me to be contacting me and i just flabbergasted bcs i didnt plan to tell her about that detail.

So because of she kept ask me many question and also i want her to believe me more so i just tell all the truth even the secret one.

Then she curious about what are we (me and KH) doing when we meet before this because i told her that i met him not like them dating like a real couple.

So because i try to avoid her question by telling her that it is so long and hard to tell in the dm so she request to tell her by call.

And yeah i just accept her request and told her every detail what happen when we met on the phone.

We cried. KH's gf and me cried during the call after i finish tell her the last day i met him.

She really open to me by telling me what he said to her and what KH give her and whatsoever. 

Im glad that she want to read and listen to me. But at the end of the call she told me that she doesnt know how to feel and i kept saying sorry to disturbing her time and ruin their relationship.

But i clarify to her that both of us is woman so i told her all of this bcs i dont want man to disrespect us.

I also say sorry to telling her the real him. Not being honest.

From the start of chat with her, KH also dm me and suddenly he blaming me on their relay condition.

His ig also suddenly disappear from me after that. I dont know whether he deactivate or delete or block me so i hope he doesnt really hate me :)

On twitter also he firstly block me then his account suddenly disappear.

Oh btw, from the beginning of i chat with his gf, i kept telling her that she just should becareful with him and persuade her that it is only a little mistake that he made but actually he is so kind and not rude.

Because it really is. I like him because of that but because of his honesty i cant stand with him anymore.

So right now after 2 days that thing happen, i dont know what happened to their relationship.

I hope they didnt hate me. Especially KH because i know him for 5 months and he is already become my past.

He always said to me that i am so kind to him everytime chat with me but now i think he change his mind :)

i might be the one he hate so much rn. Sorry. I already warn you so many time i would do that.

But all of this to make you realize that you should appreciate and be respectful to you gf.

I dont want you to repeat your mistake that happen with our relationship. Toxic relationship.

I am really sorry to make you mad and sad but i have to.

I hope you didnt contact me again.

If you contact me just wanna keep in touch, its okay for me. But i dont know if your gf is ok with it.

Unless you still have the same agenda as before i will not hesitate to do it again.

SOOO is it really my fault? I really dont know.

Sometimes i blaming myself to ruin their relationship but then i blaming him contacting me deny that he already have gf.

Right now i just wanna process what happen to me for the last 3 days ago and let it go.

It might be hard to move on drastically since i love to stalk him.

My style to moving on from my past is by look at their new happiness until i feel happy too.

So thats all from me for today.

LMAO I JUST SPEND ALL MY BREAK TIME FOR THIS??

I just waste my 4 hours break but nvm. For my mental health sake wkwkwk

Thank you for reading my story. Bye! see you when i see you guys.